The Cost of Love

How many pieces can one heart hold?  This is a secret I have never been told.  All my love is of the finest gold.  How many pieces can one heart hold?
How many shatters can one heart withstand?  How much damange caused from one single man?  How long will I stand on sinking sand?   How many shatters can one heart withstand?
How many times must I abuse myself?  How many times must I refuse myself?  For all of my life I have reclused myself.  How many times must I abuse myself?
Happiness appears to be within my reach.  I had found someone whose trust I could not breach.  Yet I sit now and hear the pained screech.  Happiness appears to be within my reach.
My heart has grown heavy, dark and cold.  I know all the pieces one heart can hold.  Never again will I be so bold.  My heart has grown heavy, dark.....and.....cold.

Too Far Gone

The pain is all I have left now.  It seems I'm all alone.

The knife is to my wrist now, and I am too far gone.

There seems little joy left in this world for me.

I know what you see, but it is not the same as what I see.

You confuse me with your words, though I know you do not lie.

How can it be alright when all I can do is cry?

I don't want to be here in this life of pain any more.

When it comes time to die, I shall gladly walk through that door.

And when I die, do not cry for me, I will no longer be alone.

But I will be out of your reach, too late and too far gone.

Relationships

I love you, you hate me.  I see it all too clear.

I need you, you diss me.  You are my greatest fear.

I want you, you toss me.  I hurt so bad.

I see you, you hide from me.  It makes me feel so sad.

this twisted relationship we have has me confused.

my soul is broken and now my body i have bruised.

i lay down for you and now i stay down for you

because i know that this is what you want me to do

you can say what you want because i know you lie

i'll listen happily as though i believe but deep inside i sigh

i know that these are just words and you do nothing but play

and i go through each minute waiting to see your face each day

get back and leave me alone now, i'm tired of this game

if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you feel the same

i cannot take the lies breaking my trust in your word

and i'm tired of listening to the voice inside my head i heard

The Other Woman

i don't want to be the other woman
i don't want to be the one left behind
i don't want to be just a weekend lover
that's just too cruel to be kind

i don't wanna be the cast aside
i don't wanna be the forsaken
i don't wanna be the memory
all this pain has my head achin

Tongue of Silver

Fucking kill me with your quicksilver tongue
Telling me lies and covering me with dung
Always saying things you know that hurt
Bury me in my coffin and fill my grave with dirt
You say you love me but I  can't see it now
All you do is drag me around, it's so easy anyhow
I went and fell completely heels over head
Now I can't help but keep thinking you want me dead
You fucking kill me with your quicksilver tongue
Always saying things you know  hurt
Bury me in my coffin and fill my grave with dirt
All the people you fuck
As though my love isn't enough
Each little whisper  in my ear
Is enough to rekindle all fear
I'm not close enough for you
To do all the things you need to
We almost had the world
Fucking kill me with your quicksilver tongue
Telling me lies and covering me with dung
Always saying things you know that hurt
Burying me in my coffin and filling my grave with dirt
Now the last straw you've broken my mind
I know that no longer will I be fine
I see the darkness slowly rollin in
and all I know is sin
I want to kill you for all the pain you cause
And I just hope this song is enough to give you pause
To quit your games with all the hearts you had tosteal
Before it's too late and your true love you kill
I want to kill you and watch you bleed out red
I want to stab you time and again til you're dead til you are dead
 then I'll fuck you with the tortures that I know
And finally free at last I'll have room to grow
Into the person I know that I can be
I know that without you I could be truly free
from the past of my life and all the pain I've known
And I will bathe in your blood as you reap just what you've sown
I want to kill you and watch you bleed out red
I want to stab you time and again til you're dead til you're dead til you're dead now you're dead

The Voice

I awake to the sound of the phone.  I swallow convulsively, not only to swallow the bile rising up in my throat, but also to swallow a scream that threatens to take my breath and awaken the neighborhood.  The voice on the phone is distinctively male, and it sounds vaguely familiar, but I cannot immediately place it. 

The fear rises again, sharper and clearer than ever before.  I struggle to breathe, my chest constricting tighter and tighter as my lungs feel swollen from lack of oxygen.  I feel myself sweating again, yet I shiver as though covered by the ice over the lake. 

Finally, the words overtake the voice and I realize it is the voice of a friend, not the enemy.  I nearly sigh with relief.  The hour passes as quickly as a mouse in a room of sleeping cats, and too soon it is time to leave his voice behind once more, in a dream.  Time slows to a crawl slower than the molasses taps in the giant oaks as fall gleans way to winter when he is not near, yet when we speak there is no time.  It passes in a blink, and is gone.  His voice, his words, his thoughts; they all work together to calm and sustain my insane mind.  His is the voice of an angel.  His are the words of a soldier.  And his is the heart of a friend, confidant, lover and guide. 

He is the epiphany my life, my mind, my insanity has been reaching for since time indefinite, and he is a breath of life while I strangle, he is a lifeline as I find myself mired in a muddy squire of quicksand.  

You Do Not Know

You think you know me, because I share my pain
You do not know me, I would have nothing to gain
by sharing my life with you
so I hide most that is true
I hate myself again for the lies I live
so to myself now more bruises I give
and yet, looking back now, I never lied
I did not try hard enough to hide
the darkness that exists in my soul
I did not try hard enough to let you go
and the spell is cast now, and it's too late
I am in your hands now, you seal my fate

Wings of a Human

All my life, I've never known love
I've never understood anything that I have been shown
And now I am attempting to make right all the numbers of wrongs
I have down so that I can be happy and be loved and known
I have earned the horns that sprout forth from my head
and I scream and rage against them in this place
as I toss and turn upon a sea of sweat in my bed
and finally a smile finds its way to my lips, lighting my face
I think I have found the way to repent without having to kneel
for though I believe, I do not find it right to pray
for all the evilness prevents me from being heard, I feel
But finally, my retribution has been found today
And I think I can almost feel the horns begin to leave
and my back rips and stretches and beings to break
and now finally I am unable to any longer grieve
and soft feathery wings around my body a shield make
Now if only you could touch me

Scarring Deeper Still

black heart bearing
love retreating
fleeing the light
running towards night
fear is drumming
death is coming
fly me away
kill me today
save my tomorrow
kill my sorrow
black heart scarring
scarring darker still