Just Me

Hatred, loathing, rage, pain, suffering, despair.

All of these and more well up inside me at once,
making me a case of nerves,
wanting to die yet not wanting to leave the world behind.
Things aren't as they seem,
and my life is a perfect example.
Everything on the outside is the picture of perfection,
a child's dream come true,
and yet inside the tumult grows,
rising and tossing me about as though a ship on a swollen sea.
I try to control the rolling slashings of my mind against my soul,
yet to no avail.
I find myself chained in a fury of rage against myself,
with no way to escape,
held hostage by hatred.
The tide shifts, but only sideways.
In the hell of my mind,
there is no up, and down does not exist,
for I am at the bottom. 
Suddenly, voices from the past and present break through into my mind and breaks the black walls,
letting the light of love in,
shifting the tide back out to sea,
leaving me to be just that,
only that,
once again,
just me.