Tomorrow's Number

Sitting here once more in silence. The house is eerie and still.
And I am trying to find a voice to say just how I feel.
The problem isn't the voice, though, it's the thoughts inside my head.
Leaving me confused and tattered, my emotions left for dead.
Everything has misted over, no fear do I now know.
I am not even sorry to say I have to go.
Life and love have been a rollercoaster ride.
But I have many great friends remaining by my side.
And I know that I will have another tomorrow.
And though that tomorrow is limited, I feel no sorrow.
My life has been of my own making, be it heaven or be it hell.
It was me who bore myself up when into the insanity I fell
for I hid it from so many, the best, at least, that I could.
But I never asked for assistance; I knew I never would.
But destiny gave me the friends I needed when I needed them most,
and when my time comes at last, I hope my memory remains, a ghost
of smiles and tears, of laughter and fears, of sorrow and joy
and a reminder, that a heart is not a toy.

Find Your Princess

К кому я обращаюсь?
Молчание так громко.
Я больно, кого я люблю больше всего.
Я приносящий боль.
Я только желаю им радость.
И тем не менее, они отказываются покидать мою сторону.
Как они могут стоять, чтобы увидеть меня?
Неужели они боятся меня слышите говорить?
Моя любовь к ним убивает нас всех.
Сладкая смерть, обнимает меня.
Оставьте их нетронутыми.
Я надеюсь, что они найдут чистую радость.
Я надеюсь, что они живут долго и счастливо.
Где их принцессой?
Я надеюсь, что они найдут ее в ближайшее время.

Where the Wild Rose Blooms

When I am no longer here
And your arms can no longer pull me close
Look for the butterfly floating on the breeze
Listen for my love whispering on the wind


When I am no longer here
And my laughter has disappeared
Listen for my love whispering on the wind


When I am no longer here
And our night long chats are silenced
Listen to the beat of your heart


When I am no longer here
And my childlike innocence you miss
Pick up your nieces and nephews and see me in their eyes


When I am no longer here
and Jehovah has laid me to rest
Do not mourn for me


When I am no longer here
And everything seems dim
Find the beauty of life
where the wild rose blooms

Just Me

Hatred, loathing, rage, pain, suffering, despair.

All of these and more well up inside me at once,
making me a case of nerves,
wanting to die yet not wanting to leave the world behind.
Things aren't as they seem,
and my life is a perfect example.
Everything on the outside is the picture of perfection,
a child's dream come true,
and yet inside the tumult grows,
rising and tossing me about as though a ship on a swollen sea.
I try to control the rolling slashings of my mind against my soul,
yet to no avail.
I find myself chained in a fury of rage against myself,
with no way to escape,
held hostage by hatred.
The tide shifts, but only sideways.
In the hell of my mind,
there is no up, and down does not exist,
for I am at the bottom. 
Suddenly, voices from the past and present break through into my mind and breaks the black walls,
letting the light of love in,
shifting the tide back out to sea,
leaving me to be just that,
only that,
once again,
just me.

Never Known

Don't look in my eyes.  I don't want you seeing me cry.

Cuz the tears that I hide are buried inside
where no one can see, no one but me
I'm not the one that you thought you knew
away I have flown from things that were shown
but you buried my heart in such a way no one will know
until I go
My love has grown cold
nothing is here save that which I fear
more than I bear knowing you care
for someone mistaken for me
you've gone and I'm all alone
And I fear I have grown into something unreal
Something I feel

I know I am not what you forgot
but I'm all alone now
and I don't know how to go on
in a life without you.  You said you'd be true
but that wasn't real and all I can feel
is the pain in my heart that you ripped apart
with all of your lies; you twisted me inside
til something got broke. I'm afraid I will choke
on the words that I say, if I try to delay

I love you

I always will.  I know there is no truth
I have felt and the love I have shown,
nothing is real
and the love I have known and you lied to me
straight to my face
it's killed me in more than one way
and only I know how I cry
and I wish I could die
so I'll just say goodbye