Every lie you are caught in leads to another lie.
Another fuck up.
Another disappointment.
Another reason to cry.
Another reason to hate.
Another reason to leave.
Color this the end. I am so fucking tired of it. You are out of my life now. Forever. Goodbye. And good riddance.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
On Hold
This is something that has to be said.
People are constantly putting their lives on hold.
We are put on hold on the phone, we wait in lines, we wait at red lights. Every day we spend the majority of our time waiting for one thing or another.
There are times when being put on hold hurts! When you have plans with someone, and they put you on hold, it hurts. When you are put on hold time and time again, and plans aren't just put on hold, but completely broken, that doesn't just hurt. That isdevastating. When the same person is constantly apologizing for failing you, they do not realize that what they are really doing is failing themselves. There is only so much a person can take before they give up waiting. They give up asking. They give up making plans. They give up talking. They just simply give up on you. Because, let's face it. Who wants to feel like they are not worth the attention of someone who claims to love you? Words are meaningless. Items are meaningless. If someone truly loves you, they will find a way to show it! Not to say it. Not to buy it. But to honest to God show it, to where there is absolutely no doubt in their partner's mind that they are loved.
Breaking plans time and again is not just telling them that you do not want to spend time with them. It is also saying that you do not respect them enough to tell them the truth. It is alright to tell the truth, and say, "You know what? I really don't feel like doing what you asked me to today. Could we compromise, and do something else?" It is alright to say you need time to yourself. It is alright to say you already had plans. It is not alright to lie. It is not alright to constantly leave someone wondering if they have done something wrong, if they have angered you, or saddened you, or disappointed you, time and time again.
Do not put your lover on hold. You never know when the last time they will ask for you will be.
People are constantly putting their lives on hold.
We are put on hold on the phone, we wait in lines, we wait at red lights. Every day we spend the majority of our time waiting for one thing or another.
There are times when being put on hold hurts! When you have plans with someone, and they put you on hold, it hurts. When you are put on hold time and time again, and plans aren't just put on hold, but completely broken, that doesn't just hurt. That isdevastating. When the same person is constantly apologizing for failing you, they do not realize that what they are really doing is failing themselves. There is only so much a person can take before they give up waiting. They give up asking. They give up making plans. They give up talking. They just simply give up on you. Because, let's face it. Who wants to feel like they are not worth the attention of someone who claims to love you? Words are meaningless. Items are meaningless. If someone truly loves you, they will find a way to show it! Not to say it. Not to buy it. But to honest to God show it, to where there is absolutely no doubt in their partner's mind that they are loved.
Breaking plans time and again is not just telling them that you do not want to spend time with them. It is also saying that you do not respect them enough to tell them the truth. It is alright to tell the truth, and say, "You know what? I really don't feel like doing what you asked me to today. Could we compromise, and do something else?" It is alright to say you need time to yourself. It is alright to say you already had plans. It is not alright to lie. It is not alright to constantly leave someone wondering if they have done something wrong, if they have angered you, or saddened you, or disappointed you, time and time again.
Do not put your lover on hold. You never know when the last time they will ask for you will be.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Friends Forever
I love you, with every breath I take.
I love you, with every step I make
towards that final, peaceful rest.
And I am glad I have found the best
person to call my lover, confidant and friend.
And I hope that we shall be friends til the end.
No matter what happens between us in love,
I hope and wish on every star in the sky above
that nothing shall ever come between us.
Friendship, if all, will surely be enough
because you have become everything to me
and my heart it would pain if I could not see
your smiling face, showing me that you care.
I have laid my life and soul and heart bare
to you, of my past and my pain
and you alone see the tears pour like rain.
Because I know you will never judge me.
And with you, I know what it's like to be free.
Because I can be myself, and remove my mask.
And now, finally, in the sun I shall bask
with your love pouring down to keep me safe.
With you I do not have to hesitate
to tell you exactly what I think or feel
and at your feet I shall always kneel
with love, and care, and gratitude.
For you alone know my every mood
and accept them all, as fast as they come.
And no matter how stupid, no matter how dumb
my words are accepted, and thrown back at me
in times when I doubt my own actual reality.
You keep me grounded, my feet on the earth
and my soul you always flood with great mirth
and happines, and life, and love, and joy.
And you never once tell the truth and say I annoy
the crap out of you when I ramble on and on.
And I pray, once again, we're friends til I'm gone.
I love you, with every step I make
towards that final, peaceful rest.
And I am glad I have found the best
person to call my lover, confidant and friend.
And I hope that we shall be friends til the end.
No matter what happens between us in love,
I hope and wish on every star in the sky above
that nothing shall ever come between us.
Friendship, if all, will surely be enough
because you have become everything to me
and my heart it would pain if I could not see
your smiling face, showing me that you care.
I have laid my life and soul and heart bare
to you, of my past and my pain
and you alone see the tears pour like rain.
Because I know you will never judge me.
And with you, I know what it's like to be free.
Because I can be myself, and remove my mask.
And now, finally, in the sun I shall bask
with your love pouring down to keep me safe.
With you I do not have to hesitate
to tell you exactly what I think or feel
and at your feet I shall always kneel
with love, and care, and gratitude.
For you alone know my every mood
and accept them all, as fast as they come.
And no matter how stupid, no matter how dumb
my words are accepted, and thrown back at me
in times when I doubt my own actual reality.
You keep me grounded, my feet on the earth
and my soul you always flood with great mirth
and happines, and life, and love, and joy.
And you never once tell the truth and say I annoy
the crap out of you when I ramble on and on.
And I pray, once again, we're friends til I'm gone.
Maturity
Twisting and turning, I'm wrapped
in the sheets again.
I'm feeling the hands around my throat; my friendlooking in my eyes, his stained with tears,
understanding the need to erase the hateful years
and the fear buried deep inside my soul
that i cannot hide. I have got to let it go;
all the pain and anger and rage
from a life spent trapped in a cage
have worn my soul down til it's bare.
And of this world i have no more care.
I'm ready to leave, but now comes the call
from the four people I can't stand to see me fall.
They love me, and they hold me close and safe,
and I know that finally I have found my place
to call my own in this sad, lonely, cruel world;
and now I find myself maturing to woman from girl.
I still have a while yet left to go on my way,
but with their help, I know I shall make, it some day.
Paradigm Shift
I do not know what has happened to you.
But I'll always love you the same as now I do.
I was how now you are.
I know you have fell so far.
I will stand by your side.
You are my husband; I am your bride.
There is nothing that can turn me away.
I will tell you how much I love you every day.
You who once was so confident and strong,
you the one who always told me I was wrong
to feel so unwanted, so hated, so bad.
Now you have those feelings that I once had.
And just as you told me, I'll tell you.
Not a thought in your head is true.
You are the best person I have ever known.
I don't know how this vulnerability has grown.
I will hold you each night as you weep.
I will watch over you each night as sleep.
I will hold you safe from all harm.
I will you in my arms and keep you warm.
I will be there for you every step of the way.
I will be there for you any time, night or day.
Baby, all you have to do is talk to me.
And I hope, someday soon, you'll once again be how you used to be.
I love you with all my heart, baby, and I hope you know that with all your head and heart.
But I'll always love you the same as now I do.
I was how now you are.
I know you have fell so far.
I will stand by your side.
You are my husband; I am your bride.
There is nothing that can turn me away.
I will tell you how much I love you every day.
You who once was so confident and strong,
you the one who always told me I was wrong
to feel so unwanted, so hated, so bad.
Now you have those feelings that I once had.
And just as you told me, I'll tell you.
Not a thought in your head is true.
You are the best person I have ever known.
I don't know how this vulnerability has grown.
I will hold you each night as you weep.
I will watch over you each night as sleep.
I will hold you safe from all harm.
I will you in my arms and keep you warm.
I will be there for you every step of the way.
I will be there for you any time, night or day.
Baby, all you have to do is talk to me.
And I hope, someday soon, you'll once again be how you used to be.
I love you with all my heart, baby, and I hope you know that with all your head and heart.
Tomorrow's Yesterday
Ocean wonderland, cease your fall
May the bloody current cease
in the surreal envelope of time
as the mist rolls in
the sky is hidden
by reality behind the eyes
cacaphonic symphony of bloody art
painted on empty canvases
filled with echoes of the past
walls of the future
closing in on the past
to drown out the present
vicious cycles
never ending squares
of agonizing pleasure
as the moonlit day
sneaks boldly
into the hot night
the deafening silence
drowns the heedless screams
of the rocks of reality
and the life in the death
tolls the chimes of the coming
cold of the Son
walking where angels trod
in shoes of gold and lace
crystal rain giggles
in an ocean wonderland
whose current shall never cease
as present pasts are remembered for tomorrow's yesterday
May the bloody current cease
in the surreal envelope of time
as the mist rolls in
the sky is hidden
by reality behind the eyes
cacaphonic symphony of bloody art
painted on empty canvases
filled with echoes of the past
walls of the future
closing in on the past
to drown out the present
vicious cycles
never ending squares
of agonizing pleasure
as the moonlit day
sneaks boldly
into the hot night
the deafening silence
drowns the heedless screams
of the rocks of reality
and the life in the death
tolls the chimes of the coming
cold of the Son
walking where angels trod
in shoes of gold and lace
crystal rain giggles
in an ocean wonderland
whose current shall never cease
as present pasts are remembered for tomorrow's yesterday
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